Do you find yourself creating goals and then abandoning them before they come to fruition? Do you often give up after the first few tries when learning something new? If so, this may seem like a normal reaction when you feel defeated by something. You may even say to yourself: “I’m just not good at this.” But what if you realized that the frustration was a normal part of the process? Would you keep moving along towards your goal?

W.S. Howell, author of The Empathetic Communicator, created a theory that helps explain how, when, and why we become competent at something. He calls it the conscious-competence model. The first stage is “unconscious-incompetence”; “you do not know what you do not know.” You don’t have adequate knowledge and skills in an area but are unaware of it. You can stay in this “ignorance is bliss” state not realizing your incompetence or you could be faking it.

The second stage is “conscious incompetence.” In this stage you realize you are not an expert in a particular field as you might have once assumed. You are now conscious of your performance and how it compares to others in the field. The decision to improve your skills lies solely on your own shoulders. The acceptance or non-acceptance of your incompetence determines how you will progress in your future endeavors in this field and any goals related to this.

As you increase your knowledge in a particular field you will find yourself in the stage of “conscious competence.” You get to this stage by gaining experience and intensive study of the field. This stage may feel a little like a roller coaster ride: you may improve, make mistakes, and improve further. In the end you will arrive at a point where your works feels natural to you. This is “unconscious competence.” You no longer have to think of each step in the process.

I am sure some readers may have resistance to this. What if I am just not good at it? Yes, everyone does have some natural abilities and there are definitely career fields that may not be suited to your abilities. However, if you get to the third stage, “conscious competence,” and are willing to stay in it for awhile, you can achieve competence through sheer persistence and determination. So are you still afraid to say you are incompetent? Start getting comfortable with it and it will open the doors to creating success and achieving goals. If you aren’t willing to “suck at it” initially, you may never be able to push yourself along to greatness.

Do you have a question for Laura? Email her at:Laura@corelifedesign.com

Laura Tirello is a Life and Career Coach.  Her company, Core Life Design, works with people who are looking to find their highest potential both in their careers and personal lives. She helps her clients develop a life plan for success and create a balanced life. For more information about Laura and her life coaching business, visit corelifedesign.com or email Laura at Laura@corelifedesign.com.

Q: I am having a hard time breaking my large goals into small parts. Do you have any suggestions of how I can do that?

A: It is sometimes difficult to break down larger projects into small pieces. A secret to this is making a flowchart.

Write down your large goal (what you want to ultimately accomplish) at the top of the flowchart. Then work backwards. Write every step that you would need to do to get to that end goal. Break each step into very small parts.

For example, to create an effective marketing plan you need to break it down into tiny parts that include actions. For example, if you are planning to outsource your marketing you would start by making calls to prospective firms and getting a flavor of what they offer and price points. Then your next step would be to chose a marketing firm and create a list of what you want them to accomplish. If you are marketing in-house your small goals could be brainstorming what methods you will use to market (i.e., cold calling, internet, advertising in your community). When you chose a marketing method you create small goals around creating marketing materials within that format.

It’s all about breaking it down into parts. Though we need to think big about our end game, it’s the small parts that get the job done.

Do you have a question for Laura? Email her at:Laura@corelifedesign.com

Laura Tirello is a Life and Career Coach.  Her company, Core Life Design, works with people who are looking to find their highest potential both in their careers and personal lives. She helps her clients develop a life plan for success and create a balanced life. For more information about Laura and her life coaching business, visit corelifedesign.com or email Laura at Laura@corelifedesign.com.

My blog last week was about the knowing-doing gap, knowing what you need to do to accomplish your goals, but getting stuck in the “doing.” I gave some suggestions of how to find your way out of that gap. In writing that blog, something funny happened: I realized I was in middle of the knowing –doing gap myself.

I had a programmer create a temporary website for my business to serve as a basic informational and contact website until I finished designing the layout of my permanent website. Since I set that temporary site up, I have been caught up in internal turmoil over exactly how I want my permanent site to look. Do I want a blog centered site or more informational? How should I do the layout? What colors and pictures should I use? How many tabs? How much content? I have been driving myself crazy with all the details to the point of indecision and yes, no movement. Stuck.

I needed to break it down into turtle steps. Turtle steps are steps so small that the feeling of overwhelm does not stop me from completing the task. When I say small, I mean miniscule. I broke it down to just emailing an inquiry to two web designers I know to ask about layouts and blog templates. My next small step was to research other web designers. I could put this small task as a half an hour appointment in my daily schedule. The next day I could narrow down my list of potential designers and call them for price quotes, another short half hour task. After a few days, I began to think about how I wanted to organize the tabs on my website. Before I knew it, these small steps had led to something huge: I had a new framework for my website design. Now I could actually have it built and refine it from there. No more endless thought swirls telling me what I should or shouldn’t do, it was all about action.

By taking my actions and breaking them down into small steps I didn’t have that feeling of I don’t have enough time for this. Dr. Martha Beck has a system she calls the 4-Day Win. Take your goal and break it down into turtle steps. Designate a half-hour each day for 4 days to work on accomplishing the task. When you complete the task, reward yourself with something fun. Then move onto the next set of turtle steps and repeat the process. You’ll notice you’re getting more done and having more fun. Many people miss the importance of taking small steps. I know I did. But when you slow down and take it one step at a time, you really do win the race.

Do you have a question for Laura? Email her at:Laura@corelifedesign.com

Laura Tirello is a Life and Career Coach.  Her company, Core Life Design, works with people who are looking to find their highest potential both in their careers and personal lives. She helps her clients develop a life plan for success and create a balanced life. For more information about Laura and her life coaching business, visit corelifedesign.com or email Laura at Laura@corelifedesign.com.

Q: I received an email from one of our readers last week who wanted career advice on specific career fields, but I think his question will help all of us. He says, “I would like to be a coach and a computer expert, can you give me tips or advice of how to get there?”

A: Since this reader indicated to me that he is not in the workforce yet, he has ample opportunity to experiment in both of these areas. My suggestion to him would be to come up with a list of why each of these areas interests you. Since coaching and computer careers are very broad fields, this will help you narrow down your specific interests in each field. Ask yourself what types of people would you like to coach and what would you like to coach them on? Exactly what areas of computers do you have expertise?

After you see what interests you in each field create some goals around those interests. Goals could be simple, such as finding a coach who works in the area you like and asking them questions. In terms of computers, you could research that area and start finding resources at your school or community where people use those types of computer skills.

Once you create these small goals and start researching the different areas, should you enroll in a course of study immediately and plan your future? No. Since you don’t need to work full time, this is the time to “play.” By “play” I mean find ways to do it in your current life. In the computer area, this could mean offering to help people with their computer problems, technical or functional. You could “coach” people through their frustrations with technology. If you excel in programming, take an advanced class and experiment with doing your own programming. This will allow you to see if you want to pursue this as a career. Many great inventions have been created by people who were just playing around with an idea. Facebook is an example of this. Figuring out what you want to pursue as a career can be stressful, but the important thing is to have fun and enjoy the process.

Do you have a question for Laura? Email her at:Laura@corelifedesign.com

Laura Tirello is a Life and Career Coach.  Her company, Core Life Design, works with people who are looking to find their highest potential both in their careers and personal lives. She helps her clients develop a life plan for success and create a balanced life. For more information about Laura and her life coaching business, visit corelifedesign.com or email Laura at Laura@corelifedesign.com.

I often encounter clients who claim they know what they want to accomplish with their lives and/or careers, but when it comes to buckling down and doing it, they are paralyzed. It’s not enough to just know what you want; you have to figure out a way to get it done. This is where many people fall short when setting goals. If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. We all find ourselves stuck in that place at certain points in our lives.

The question becomes: How do you push through it? In their book, The Knowing Doing Gap: How Smart Companies Turn Knowledge Into Action, Jeffrey Pfeiffer and Robert I. Sutton discuss why our actions don’t always match our ideal goals and how we can create a better plan.

Oprah’s Dr. Martha Beck adapted Pfeiffer and Sutton’s approach on Oprah.com. Here are some key points:

• Don’t substitute talk for action. We all know someone who is a talker, always discussing what they should do, while actually doing nothing. It’s important to create strategies and mission statements, but the most important part is implementation.
• Write down some of your goals on a piece of paper. At the end of each day look at your list and see what you are actually accomplishing. If there are no changes, you are just talking. Take action by focusing on one item on the list at a time.
• Don’t over plan and then obsess over each action. This can quickly lead to “analysis paralysis”—leaving you unable to move forward.
• Be clear on each step of the plan. If not sure how to go to the next step, clarify your goals and options. Don’t rely on some magical moment to occur. The process is a balance between planning and then moving on, it’s hard not to obsess on the details, but it’s necessary to keep moving along.
• Try to clarify what is standing between you and your goals. It may be a limiting belief or just a logistical issue. You need to find the issue and create a solution.
• Don’t let fear override your performance. We can all become stuck on the fear, but it’s important to stay calm and focused. Don’t let your negative self-talk immobilize your creativity and productivity. Reassuring yourself often can get you through this process.

The most important thing to remember, whether you are working for a company or for yourself, is that change takes time. Once you have identified your “knowing-doing gap” don’t attack it head on. Create a plan and work through the process one step at a time.

Do you have a question for Laura? Email her at:Laura@corelifedesign.com

Laura Tirello is a Life and Career Coach.  Her company, Core Life Design, works with people who are looking to find their highest potential both in their careers and personal lives. She helps her clients develop a life plan for success and create a balanced life. For more information about Laura and her life coaching business, visit corelifedesign.com or email Laura at Laura@corelifedesign.com.

Q: I just started out in my career and am looking for ways to network. What can you suggest?

A: There are a variety of ways to network and connect with people who can help you in your career. You can start by joining a local business group. This is a great opportunity to meet others in your community, share information, and exchange business cards. There are also large business groups that have chapters in different parts of the country. BNI International and Le Tip international are examples of this. You can check online to find a local chapter near you.

You can also network within your own field by attending seminars or other professional developments for your profession. If you can’t find any, create your own. Meetup.com allows people to create different meeting groups all around the country.

Linkedin.com is a virtual networking system. You can connect with others who are looking for your services. Facebook and Twitter are two other good ways to find people interested in networking and sharing services.

Do you have a question for Laura? Email her at:Laura@corelifedesign.com

Laura Tirello is a Life and Career Coach.  Her company, Core Life Design, works with people who are looking to find their highest potential both in their careers and personal lives. She helps her clients develop a life plan for success and create a balanced life. For more information about Laura and her life coaching business, visit corelifedesign.com or email Laura at Laura@corelifedesign.com.

I had an interesting session with a client this week. He is at the very beginning stages of figuring out what his next career will be. He had all kinds of stories about why several careers he had considered in the past would not have worked. There were stories of low pay, no recognition of effort, no security, too many hours, and no upward mobility. These factors are definitely valid issues in many jobs, but this client used these factors as limitations. It was as if he put every job on a balance sheet and mathematically weighed the pros and cons and eliminated good jobs because of the possibility of worst case scenarios. By doing this he was eliminating the potential and opportunity that some of these jobs had and limiting his career search and potential.

When I looked at his list of jobs and picked a particular field that he had deemed as unacceptable due to imagined limitations, I gave him alternatives of what he could have done with that position if he let his passion for the field override his fears about the perceived working conditions. I found limitless opportunities in that career field. Surprised at my conclusions, he wrote it off as my “idealism.” Conversely, he felt that he was being very realistic about the potential failures of that choice. I laughed out loud and asked him if he thought that hugely successful people were just lucky? He quickly responded in the affirmative. Though this is a commonly held belief, it is the biggest lie we tell ourselves as a way to justify our own limited thinking. Luck doesn’t just happen; it is the result of hard work, motivation, and an open mind.

In his book, The Luck Factor, Richard Wiseman, PhD says, “Luck is not a magical ability or gift from the gods. Instead, it is a way of thinking and behaving.”

Wiseman believes that we have more control over the outcome of our lives than we are aware. In his work he has found that 10 percent of life is random and the other 90 percent is “defined by the way we think.”

Dr.Wiseman conducted an experiment with two subjects placed in an identical setting; neither of them knew that the people around them were actors. The setting was a coffee shop. The first subject walked toward the door of the coffee shop and saw money on the ground. He picked up the small bill and went into the coffee shop. He sat down next to a disguised “millionaire” and offered to buy him a coffee and engaged him in conversation. By the end of the talk he had created a potential business plan with the millionaire and left feeling confident about his new contact. The second subject walked into the coffee shop missing the money on the pavement outside of the door and sat down next to the millionaire. She sat quietly not making eye contact with anyone and drank her coffee. She left and went about the rest of her day. In the same situation, two different actions created two different outcomes.

Though you may not hit a jackpot every time, the more you are open to situations, people, and the world around you, the more likely you are to be presented with opportunities. You may then get “lucky” through a chance or coincidental encounter. If you look at the world with the limitations my client talked about earlier, you will not see those opportunities. You are setting yourself up for limited outcomes. So my advice: go out in the world with open eyes and ears and realize every interaction contains something new, even if it is just in that moment. But the more moments you have like that, the more you are increasing your chances of getting “lucky.”

Do you have a question for Laura? Email her at:Laura@corelifedesign.com

Laura Tirello is a Life and Career Coach.  Her company, Core Life Design, works with people who are looking to find their highest potential both in their careers and personal lives. She helps her clients develop a life plan for success and create a balanced life. For more information about Laura and her life coaching business, visit corelifedesign.com or email Laura at Laura@corelifedesign.com.

This week I found myself thinking about the power of making connections with people. In last week’s blog, I mentioned creating your own support system, the people you want on your side for guidance in your career journey. Hopefully, you are starting to see who should be on your side to help you through all the tough decisions. You also need to find the partners who can redirect the curveball that’s been thrown at your latest career endeavor.

I was reminded of this when I saw an interview with the two founders of a technology company. They were joking about how they work so well together because they are opposites. The one partner is an idea guy with tons of ideas, but no clue of how to implement them. The other partner is the money man who can come up with strategies and the funds needed to make the ideas a reality. The company could not exist without these two partners and they could not work without each other, why?

It all has to do with your conative skills. A conative skill is a term used by Kathy Kolbe to describe “human instincts in creative problem solving”. There are 4 types: a quick start (tends to jump into projects immediately), a follow through (creates systems for things), a fact finder (gathers and shares information), and an implementer (works with the hands on aspects of projects). You may have a tendency towards one area, but need influence from one of the other areas. Some people may be blessed to have a little of each area, allowing them to call on each skill as needed for a project. If you have a resistance or difficulty in a certain area, this could cause problems when trying to complete a project or achieve a goal.

So what do you do? Abandon ship? No, you find a person who has the working style that you need and form a partnership with them. Depending on their level of involvement, you can repay them with barter for a service that you can provide for them. For example, a quick start advertises a service and gets a lot of clients right away. They become overwhelmed. Instead of panicking, find a follow through who can help create a system to handle all of the new clients. The quick start can return the favor by sharing how they marketed themselves to get so many clients so quickly. You are able to receive information and pay back the favor immediately. Many successful businesses will tell you that paying it forward and sharing creates more opportunities, not less. So when you find yourself in a bind, instead of retreating and announcing defeat, look to the people around you and see how you can turn your mistake into a new achievement.

Doubtful? Trust me, it works! I am a fact finder. For a particular project, I researched all the facts, put a plan together and sent it out into the world. I didn’t get a response I was expecting. My initial response was to call it a failure and move on. Then I realized maybe I needed another pair of eyes. I found a follow through who saw what I missed in my fact finding planning. This element was reorganized and implemented differently. Then, viola! the initial failure became a success.

Do you have a question for Laura? Email her at:Laura@corelifedesign.com

Laura Tirello is a Life and Career Coach.  Her company, Core Life Design, works with people who are looking to find their highest potential both in their careers and personal lives. She helps her clients develop a life plan for success and create a balanced life. For more information about Laura and her life coaching business, visit corelifedesign.com or email Laura at Laura@corelifedesign.com.

Sometimes you have to do some personal housekeeping to get your career on track for success. By personal housekeeping I mean examining the people you are surrounding yourself with. Are they supporting or discouraging you in meeting your goals? Do they respond like a resource or a deterrent when you look to them for advice on meeting your goals or overcoming obstacles?

If you are seeing a pattern in your answers to the above questions, you need to start focusing your attention on people who can give you the support you need, even if they are imaginary. This doesn’t mean disregard all the people you know and care about, it means creating your own personal support system.

In his book Good to Great, Jim Collins refers to the “first who.” This means surrounding yourself with the types of people you want on your side. These are the people that you admire and share commons ideals with. They may not be your boss and co-workers, so what do you do then? Jim Collins says he came up with idea of a “personal board of directors” while he was working in an office in his twenties.  In his words in an interview with BusinessWeek, he says he “drew a little conference table on a sheet of paper with seven chairs around it and wrote the names on them of people I admired. I pasted it above my computer and would look up and in my mind poll the personal board when I was wrestling with tough questions. If I was really stuck, I might talk to some of them. It’s sort of like a group of tribal elders that you create for yourself .”

Think about who you want to be on your “personal board of directors.” If you feel a little stuck thinking about this, think of all the people you admire or want to work with. Write their names and their qualities on a sheet of paper. Take time to look this list over and see how many of the people you have chosen embody the characteristics you are looking for in a mentor or colleague. Narrow your “personal board of directors” to this group of people and keep them in mind when you are faced with challenges. How would they support you? What advice do you think they would give you?

Of course it’s always great if you can find a person you can meet with in person or on the phone to bounce off ideas and strategies. This is often referred to as a mastermind partner. It can be someone who is on the same level as you are and is motivated to achieve in a similar way. You can help one another with accountability issues and share tools and resources with each other. You may be able to find this person in classes you are taking or professional organizations. You may also be able to find them on social networking sites like Facebook or Twitter. I have personally found some extremely helpful and inspirational people using social networking websites. Keeping searching for them, when you have a clear idea of who you are and what you want, you will find them.

Do you have a question for Laura? Email her at:Laura@corelifedesign.com

Laura Tirello is a Life and Career Coach.  Her company, Core Life Design, works with people who are looking to find their highest potential both in their careers and personal lives. She helps her clients develop a life plan for success and create a balanced life. For more information about Laura and her life coaching business, visit corelifedesign.com or email Laura at Laura@corelifedesign.com.

Q: In the last blog you talked about limiting beliefs. I am having difficulty achieving one of my goals. How can I tell if my goal is not achievable or if it is my limiting beliefs about the goal?

A: This is a great question! Examine your goal very closely, is it reasonable or probable for the time frame you want to achieve it in? Some of us tend to create goals without a clear plan of execution and are discouraged when the goal is not achieved immediately. For instance, if your goal is to start a business and bring in large profits in the first month of operations, perhaps you are not giving yourself enough time to achieve the goal. If you take that main goal and break it up into very small parts, you are creating the framework for that goal of large profits. It’s about creating a plan and set of goals that are flexible and feasible and can be achieved over a period of time.

In terms of limiting beliefs, as the saying goes “you achieve what you believe.” If you try one endeavor and it doesn’t meet your expectations, which immediately causes you to give up your goal because you see it as unachievable; that is a limiting belief. If you look around, you can find many examples of people who tried several ventures before finding the one that met their expectations.

If your goal becomes “impossible” and only happens to those who are lucky, that is a limiting belief. It really comes down to the work you put into your master goal and the options you pursue. This will determine whether you are truly limiting yourself or if the goal is not appropriate for you at this particular time in your life.

Do you have a question for Laura? Email her at:Laura@corelifedesign.com

Laura Tirello is a Life and Career Coach.  Her company, Core Life Design, works with people who are looking to find their highest potential both in their careers and personal lives. She helps her clients develop a life plan for success and create a balanced life. For more information about Laura and her life coaching business, visit corelifedesign.com or email Laura at Laura@corelifedesign.com.